Thursday, January 2, 2014

whisps on a rainy day

January 2014.  I for one am glad to see 2013 go.  It was a painful uphill year for me, ending with a Christmas eve trip to the ER for stitches (warning: hand blenders are lethal weapons).  As we awaited treatment, my husband remarked that Christmas in the ER seemed befitting of the rest of the year.  I don't really think that with the passing of Dec. 31st things will all of sudden be different, but I am hopeful that the next twelve months may involve less pain and struggle.

Odd thing to hope for if you consider God's promise of trouble struggle and suffering.  It seems like 2013 should be sufficient evidence that our family is living in the middle of his will.  So in hoping for less of what he has promised am I also hoping for less of him?  Less of his will accomplished and lived out in our lives?  No...but then what am I hoping for?  Just some ordinary days with sunshine on my face.  Weeks where the everyday doesn't seem so hard to navigate.  I'd like to sleep at night more peacefully because my heart is not plagued by fear.  I'd like to cry less.  I'd like to find his will this year involves more acts of serving those in need than humbly being served.  I'd just plain like to hurt less, to not be worrying about something beyond my control with regards to my kids.

Maybe it is because it is a cold rainy day, or maybe it is because I am grieving for some friends whose lives have just been upturned by tragedy, but I am beginning to feel like my hope is ill-placed.  I think what I truly am longing for sounds a whole lot more like heaven than earth.  We get sweet tastes every once in a while, but the struggle will not end.  My hope ultimately lies in Jesus, who has saved me from my sin and will one day save me from this place as well. Amen.