Saturday was a good day. Huck had a good basketball game. Ruth had an awesome basketball game. And I was really looking forward to watching the Lady Wildcats play after dinner. It had been at least a month since I had last seen them play. And the girls did not disappoint. Great game and a win, with Miss Lax the high scorer to boot. She had one three point shot that just blew me away. I couldn't believe how fast she can jump and shoot....and for three.
But by the time we left Belk I had this sneaking feeling that my sore throat had very little to do with how much I had been yelling. And now, 72 hours , 1 shot of penicillin, 3 nights of night sweats and way too many old episodes of Friday Night Lights, I have re-emerged. Being sick does strange things to you mind. Where have I been? Well, here is where my mind has been, at least.
CLEANLINESS: It is not next to godliness...I assure you it is much more a neighbor of neurosis and perfectionism...but still, this place looks horrible. If I am ever chronically ill someone will have to step in or DSS will take our kids for reckless endangerment, just allowing them to live here. I mean, I'm not the cleanest housewife, but how do things get so bad so fast. I can't even put the dishes in the dishwasher because it is already full of dirty dishes...and we won't talk about dirty clothes, or pet spit -up (no one ever sees what the pets do but me...I mean, how is that possible?) Why we don't have a problem with ants is beyond me. I mean this place is like a buffet of dropped food all over the kitchen. Thank goodness we have cats, or we'd have rats, too.
GODLINESS: I have been married for 16 years and been sick many a time over that period. Never Has Mr. Brown stepped to the plate like he has this time. He has loved me, brought me goodies, left me alone, taken care of the kids, taxied them to various practices and church, and even made meatloaf and "the best macaroni and cheese ever". I don't deserve him, but boy did I choose well all those years ago. So if your dating, just ask yourself, do you see this guy serving you by sleeping on the couch, getting up early with the kids and fixing dinner (not Papa John's) when you are older and your figure has sagged? It a question worth serious pondering.
PASSING GAS: Why does my family spend so much time doing and /or discussing this activity? I mean are we abnormal? Shouldn't this be a taboo subject? What do other families talk about? I received a Christmas card from a friend today, yep February 23, that noted her boys are learning Latin and reciting poetry at their new school. I don't think we will be sharing a meal with them any time soon. We might blow them right out of the water...cause I think Ruth has mastered burping the alphabet.
CHOICES: In reading my friend's letter and catching up, I was so amazed at how different our lives are. We've made different choices about careers, what part of the country to live in, hobbies, education (for us and our kids). Knowing her husband and her as I do, I'm not surprised by their decisions. I wonder if she would be surprised by mine?
CLEAN SHEETS: Clean sheets are truly one of the luxuries of middle class life that I do not take for granted. And after three nights of the sweats....I can't wait for clean sheets tonight!
KINDNESS: Such a powerful but often elusive virtue. I think next to love it is what makes home home.
Well, I would tell you more but I have to go. Huck just farted in the tub and wants to now tell me all about it it. It is good to be back and living life in this dirty, smelly filled with love Brown home. I am one lucky woman.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
missing you
Today I find myself missing my Momma. Chris, my husband, says I have a 6 to 8 week internal clock when it comes to my parents and home. Sure enough, we last saw them at Christmas which was 7 weeks ago. I'm not sure that my heart truly works that mechanically. Nor am I sure what spurred on this longing to see her. But I am sure that I am missing her.
We ate lunch at Shane's Rib Shack by the mall. That certainly brought this longing to the forefront of my mind, but it was already there. Last time my parents were in town I took them to Shane's for lunch. My Momma loved it. My dad and I sat there for a half hour after we had finished, sipping sweet tea as we waited for her to finish her meal. She has always been a slow eater.
I came home and read the paper, and lingered on an article in the travel section. It was about an exhibit on Princess Diana that is currently in Atlanta. My Mom loves Princess Di (or at least she use to) . How fun would it be to go to Atlanta together and view her wedding dress...and all 25 feet of the train. We could gaze upon her crown and oh and ah over her other dazzling outfits on exhibit. We could grab lunch at some hip place in Buckhead, maybe even go shopping before heading back. I wonder what we would talk about....the kids, I'm sure.
But we won't go to Atlanta and enjoy the day I dream of. Maybe this week, I will meet my parents for lunch in Burlington ( a midway point for us), or maybe in a couple of weeks they will come down and watch the kids play basketball. But regardless of when and how and for how long I see her, I will still be missing my Momma. For what I miss has been gone a long time. My mother's disease has evaporated a part of our relationship. What I have is good enough, and for it, I am grateful. But some days I just long for more.
We ate lunch at Shane's Rib Shack by the mall. That certainly brought this longing to the forefront of my mind, but it was already there. Last time my parents were in town I took them to Shane's for lunch. My Momma loved it. My dad and I sat there for a half hour after we had finished, sipping sweet tea as we waited for her to finish her meal. She has always been a slow eater.
I came home and read the paper, and lingered on an article in the travel section. It was about an exhibit on Princess Diana that is currently in Atlanta. My Mom loves Princess Di (or at least she use to) . How fun would it be to go to Atlanta together and view her wedding dress...and all 25 feet of the train. We could gaze upon her crown and oh and ah over her other dazzling outfits on exhibit. We could grab lunch at some hip place in Buckhead, maybe even go shopping before heading back. I wonder what we would talk about....the kids, I'm sure.
But we won't go to Atlanta and enjoy the day I dream of. Maybe this week, I will meet my parents for lunch in Burlington ( a midway point for us), or maybe in a couple of weeks they will come down and watch the kids play basketball. But regardless of when and how and for how long I see her, I will still be missing my Momma. For what I miss has been gone a long time. My mother's disease has evaporated a part of our relationship. What I have is good enough, and for it, I am grateful. But some days I just long for more.
Friday, February 5, 2010
the gift of time
I am a woman of many gifts. I am smart, creative and have disposable income. I like using all of these for the Kingdom of God. But with my sweet little kindergartners (I volunteer in a low income school on the north side of the county), I have come to realize these gifts are secondary. Even though I want to use these gifts to love on these kids, the best gift I have to offer them is simply my time.
I have come to realize it is the gift I want to most give them as well. Over Christmas when I was away from them for several weeks that drifted into January....I began to think that tutoring was not so important a kingdom thing. It didn't really change things...or help them and maybe I should reconsider how I use my time. But then I went back...
Time is not only what the kids desire the most but it is truly the most helpful thing as well. So since the snow day Monday cleared things off my calendar this week, I gave them more time. This week with each kid... I reviewed 25 sight words (simple, common words that kids are taught to recognize by memory) and helped them read 1 book to me.
This is what I saw: a handful of kids who after a half a year in school still can't recognize more than five words (two of which are "a" and "I"), some who still don't know their letters or the sounds that go with them, some that didn't remember in which direction to read the letters ( so than "on" is read "no"), and a handful of kids that probably need a referral to the speech therapist. A few of them are already starting to give up on themselves and believe they can't do it. It can leave you wondering if your time makes any difference at all.
But the majority of these kids were really, really trying...they have a great desire to learn to read... and are proud of their improvement. Their faces light up when they achieve something new. ALL OF THEM love to read books one on one. They love being read to...such a simple thing. I wish I could show you a picture of the face of child who realizes for the first time that he can read...he is smart enough to do this.
What they need most...benefit from the most is my time.
I have come to realize it is the gift I want to most give them as well. Over Christmas when I was away from them for several weeks that drifted into January....I began to think that tutoring was not so important a kingdom thing. It didn't really change things...or help them and maybe I should reconsider how I use my time. But then I went back...
Time is not only what the kids desire the most but it is truly the most helpful thing as well. So since the snow day Monday cleared things off my calendar this week, I gave them more time. This week with each kid... I reviewed 25 sight words (simple, common words that kids are taught to recognize by memory) and helped them read 1 book to me.
This is what I saw: a handful of kids who after a half a year in school still can't recognize more than five words (two of which are "a" and "I"), some who still don't know their letters or the sounds that go with them, some that didn't remember in which direction to read the letters ( so than "on" is read "no"), and a handful of kids that probably need a referral to the speech therapist. A few of them are already starting to give up on themselves and believe they can't do it. It can leave you wondering if your time makes any difference at all.
But the majority of these kids were really, really trying...they have a great desire to learn to read... and are proud of their improvement. Their faces light up when they achieve something new. ALL OF THEM love to read books one on one. They love being read to...such a simple thing. I wish I could show you a picture of the face of child who realizes for the first time that he can read...he is smart enough to do this.
What they need most...benefit from the most is my time.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
How long, how long will I sing this song...
I use to have a Far Side cartoon posted to my dorm room wall back when I was an economics major. A guy is sitting in a class with his hand raised. He says, " May I be excused: my brain is full." That's the way I felt about reading John Keynes's economic theory. It is also the way I feel about the things that God is teaching me lately. I feel like I am absorbing so much, being changed, and waiting for God to show me what he wants to do with this changed me now. It is beginning to feel like I have been sitting on a fart for hours. My little ADD body is coming unglued.
I'm experiencing a kaleidoscope of emotions, and its beginning to feel like waking up each day to a hangover. I feel alive to be so moved by all that God is showing me. But I want to act...to do something, anything...that will make a difference. I'm angry because it seems like God won't tell me what to do. I dream, and then God allows those around me to go and live my dreams. And when I do do something, it seems so incredibly insignificant...like a raindrop on a pond on a very rainy day. I don't know that I even believe that the things I do matter at all in God's economy.
And on top of it all, I'm beginning to hate the church. Well, and at the same time I love the church. But I hate how the church gets so many things wrong....so many things that really matter. I hate how the church cuts off gay and lesbians from God. I hate how the church lets people all over the world live in poverty. I hate how the church likes hanging out as the church but doesn't like going anywhere uncomfortable to be the church. And I hate that all I hate about the church is true of me. GK Chesterton was once asked what is wrong with the church. He replied, "I am!" Right there with you Mr. Chesterton.
I feel the tunes of my college days nesting in my brain. " How long will I sing this song...." My days here on earth are numbered; forty plus years of them have passed never to come back. I don't want to waste my life, and "I still haven't found what I'm looking for...."
I'm experiencing a kaleidoscope of emotions, and its beginning to feel like waking up each day to a hangover. I feel alive to be so moved by all that God is showing me. But I want to act...to do something, anything...that will make a difference. I'm angry because it seems like God won't tell me what to do. I dream, and then God allows those around me to go and live my dreams. And when I do do something, it seems so incredibly insignificant...like a raindrop on a pond on a very rainy day. I don't know that I even believe that the things I do matter at all in God's economy.
And on top of it all, I'm beginning to hate the church. Well, and at the same time I love the church. But I hate how the church gets so many things wrong....so many things that really matter. I hate how the church cuts off gay and lesbians from God. I hate how the church lets people all over the world live in poverty. I hate how the church likes hanging out as the church but doesn't like going anywhere uncomfortable to be the church. And I hate that all I hate about the church is true of me. GK Chesterton was once asked what is wrong with the church. He replied, "I am!" Right there with you Mr. Chesterton.
I feel the tunes of my college days nesting in my brain. " How long will I sing this song...." My days here on earth are numbered; forty plus years of them have passed never to come back. I don't want to waste my life, and "I still haven't found what I'm looking for...."
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Kissing in November: a Celebration
This news may be coming a little late to some of you...or perhaps my proclamation is not for you...you decide. But I have declared November the month of kissing. Yes Kissing. Let me tell you why. Kissing is good...it is fun...and last time I checked it is not prohibited anywhere in scripture.
Now this is not a celebration of making out. Nor am I advocating get carried away with the kissing thing. You know what I am talking about... like when you get up the next morning, thinking ,"OH CRAP!" And if you have yet to graduate from high school you are automatically prohibited by me from this celebration. And for those of you who need me to overstate the obvious....if you are not in a committed relationship or married...you're out, too. You can't put the horse before the cart.
I think kissing gets a bad wrap. For those of us who are married, it gets lost. It tends to lose its meaning over time. How many times has Chris kissed me and I not really even taken notice. Or worse yet been a little irritated because I was otherwise occupied. In the business of doing life together, we overlook little things that use to mean so much. And you know what...we are missing out. Kissing is good. It has the power to join us together and remind us that ours is a special bond. It can take us back to really good carefree memories or simply remind us that we are in this all the way together. It is a tender touch that can say so much, so quickly.
Chris and I laughed when I first proclaimed November to be the month to celebrate kissing. But we started kissing more. It has been fun. And it has brought us back to a tenderness that frankly we needed. It has helped us connect as we pass in the hallway between running kids this way and that. It has been really, really good. Who new?
Now for those of you dating, I think kissing gets a bad wrap in your neck of the woods, too. Sometimes in the effort to preserve purity, we stop touching all together. I am all for purity. I cannot advocate it enough, but it is possible to kiss and be pure. And sometimes a little kiss, a little holding hands is the love language that needs to be spoken. Sometimes a kiss and a cuddle can remind of that we are secure in this relationship...we are known and loved. Sometimes your touch can speak more to your boyfriend/girlfriend's soul than your words can. And it is fun...and dating (especially dating the person who will one day be your spouse) is suppose to be fun!!!
In fact dating is a time for doing crazy things (like driving 2 hours just to share a meal) just because you want to. It's a time for thinking way to much about that other person...and working like mad to figure out more ways to see them,,,,making excuses to stop by. Dating is sitting is the same room not talking and not touching and being deliriously content because you are "together". And it is okay if it is about a little kissing, too.
Now this is not a celebration of making out. Nor am I advocating get carried away with the kissing thing. You know what I am talking about... like when you get up the next morning, thinking ,"OH CRAP!" And if you have yet to graduate from high school you are automatically prohibited by me from this celebration. And for those of you who need me to overstate the obvious....if you are not in a committed relationship or married...you're out, too. You can't put the horse before the cart.
I think kissing gets a bad wrap. For those of us who are married, it gets lost. It tends to lose its meaning over time. How many times has Chris kissed me and I not really even taken notice. Or worse yet been a little irritated because I was otherwise occupied. In the business of doing life together, we overlook little things that use to mean so much. And you know what...we are missing out. Kissing is good. It has the power to join us together and remind us that ours is a special bond. It can take us back to really good carefree memories or simply remind us that we are in this all the way together. It is a tender touch that can say so much, so quickly.
Chris and I laughed when I first proclaimed November to be the month to celebrate kissing. But we started kissing more. It has been fun. And it has brought us back to a tenderness that frankly we needed. It has helped us connect as we pass in the hallway between running kids this way and that. It has been really, really good. Who new?
Now for those of you dating, I think kissing gets a bad wrap in your neck of the woods, too. Sometimes in the effort to preserve purity, we stop touching all together. I am all for purity. I cannot advocate it enough, but it is possible to kiss and be pure. And sometimes a little kiss, a little holding hands is the love language that needs to be spoken. Sometimes a kiss and a cuddle can remind of that we are secure in this relationship...we are known and loved. Sometimes your touch can speak more to your boyfriend/girlfriend's soul than your words can. And it is fun...and dating (especially dating the person who will one day be your spouse) is suppose to be fun!!!
In fact dating is a time for doing crazy things (like driving 2 hours just to share a meal) just because you want to. It's a time for thinking way to much about that other person...and working like mad to figure out more ways to see them,,,,making excuses to stop by. Dating is sitting is the same room not talking and not touching and being deliriously content because you are "together". And it is okay if it is about a little kissing, too.
50 ways to date
(this is an old post. I actually wrote if before I had a blog, but I decided it needed to be with the other stuff I written, so here it is. I wrote it toward the end 0f 2008.)
So I have been married now for almost 15 years and I don’t date any more. Well, not in the same sense anyway. Dating is much more fun when you are married…you never have to define the relationship or put brakes on things physically…unless location is an issue..and that can be easily resolved.
But I find myself thinking quite a bit lately about dating, just the same. I guess because several people I know and love are dating…or rather not dating…or doing something that some might consider dating and others wouldn’t. Now don’t go and try to figure out if I’m talking about you. Actually, there are a lot of “you” out there, not just one or two.
I realize dating in every definition of the word has and is changing, which makes me feel old. But in the same vein human nature does not change. Men are still men, thinking and acting like men…and women are women, thinking and acting like women. And they still don’t think and act like one another. You see God really does have a sense of humor.
So this is the question I have been pondering: how, as brothers and sisters in Christ, do you date well…in a way that honors God first and foremost and other people as well. It has been challenging to consider. My first realization is that I have an opinion, that while good and maybe Godly, is just that…an opinion. The first step in truly thinking about this is to lay down some of my own reasoned thoughts…to consider others.
I have known many people who have dated “successfully” ( meaning they are now married). And no two stories are alike. Chris and I dated 6 months and were engaged for 6 months, going from first date to the altar all neatly within one year. My friends, Virginia and Mitch, were high school sweethearts…which means they dated a LONGGGGGG time. Karen and Billy were engaged within a month (and that might be stretching it a little). Tamarin and Scott dated during college and part of grad school, waiting to get somewhat on their feet…Jeff and Stuart got married before her junior year.
Some had long engagements, others not. My friend Holly didn’t tell Jeff she loved him until she new she was ready to marry him. Laura and Scott dated on and off (mostly on as they got older) but never lived in the same state, ore even close. David and Michele live next door to his parents….Brenda and Bob got married and since have never lived less than a days drive from any of their family.
All these people love the Lord passionately. They love God now and when they dated and tried/try to honor him through it all. If you spoke to any random couple I mentioned they could tell you things they may have done differently when dating. But they could also point you to things that were really good…that helped prepare them for marriage and uniquely strengthened their bond with one another and relationship with Christ.
So in all humility I affirm that there is no one Godly way to date. There are many, and they are as unique as the two individuals and the circumstances they live out. This makes it kind of tenuous as we seek to advise, mentor and hold others accountable in their dating relationships. Yet, I do think there is some sound advice that I would stand by regardless. And here it is…
1. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, then you need to only date others who share this belief. You need to be very distinct in how you characterize “belief”. Many people attend church and believe in God, and still many others believe in Jesus. But a belief that shapes your daily life, thoughts and decisions is distinctly different . If you share a common faith in Jesus, it should be a evident part of your dating relationship from the start. If you don’t share this, then you need to end the relationship/quit going out and talking on the phone rather quickly.
2. You need to have good communication…meaning each party needs to know “what’s going on”. Periodically, you need to have conversations that define and affirm what exactly is the nature of the relationship. It is more important that you both understand the nature of the relationship and AGREE about that nature, than whether you are dating or whatever.
3. Life is full of relationships where one party is interested only in friendship and the other party wants more. While the first party does sometimes come to change their desire and want more, I think it is more often likely that they do not. Attraction is unpredictable and often irrational thing; however, it cannot be willed. One cannot become attracted to someone simply because they think it makes good sense…or whatever other reason you think of. The longer you know someone and the closer you are the less likely these factors seem to change. If you desire more from someone who just wants to be your friend, you have two unpleasant/painful choices. You can continue to spend time together which will most likely flame your desire or you can begin to place some boundaries in the relationship that allows physical and emotional space for your heart to heal and become less attached. If you do not choose to step back, you will almost always be deeply hurt when your “friend” begins to date another. Yet it is very difficult to choose to step back as well. However, the hope is that if you do step back that you may be able to preserve your friendship. In essence, you are pulling back so that the relationship will once again be a “friendship” to both of you.
4. You must be brutally honest with yourself about what you desire in a relationship and how deeply you desire it. There is a BIG difference between a crush on a friend that might develop into more and an intimate friendship that you long to be more than a friendship. You set yourself up to be deeply hurt by ignoring your heart in this matter. Intimate friendships between the opposite sexes need to be clearly and defined and affirmed in order to avoid needless pain for one or both parties.
5. If you are in a serious dating relationship…
A. it is extremely advisable that you jointly and individually seek counsel of others. You need your friends to tell you what they think and to hold you accountable. You need mentors in your church body to walk alongside you as well.
B. You need to have a plan for how to preserve your purity. You two should discuss this as it is a most difficult tasks in our culture.
C. If you are too young to be thinking about marriage, then you need to rethink how serious this relationship should be and how to spend time together without becoming so deeply intimate with one another. You need to limit the amount of time you talk/text/im.etc. and choose to spend your time together mostly in groups and family settings.
D. Even if you don’t foresee marriage as an option in the near future, it should be part of the picture. The end goal of all serious dating should be to find and marry the love of your life. If this person is not it and is not like to become it, then you should consider moving on.
So I have been married now for almost 15 years and I don’t date any more. Well, not in the same sense anyway. Dating is much more fun when you are married…you never have to define the relationship or put brakes on things physically…unless location is an issue..and that can be easily resolved.
But I find myself thinking quite a bit lately about dating, just the same. I guess because several people I know and love are dating…or rather not dating…or doing something that some might consider dating and others wouldn’t. Now don’t go and try to figure out if I’m talking about you. Actually, there are a lot of “you” out there, not just one or two.
I realize dating in every definition of the word has and is changing, which makes me feel old. But in the same vein human nature does not change. Men are still men, thinking and acting like men…and women are women, thinking and acting like women. And they still don’t think and act like one another. You see God really does have a sense of humor.
So this is the question I have been pondering: how, as brothers and sisters in Christ, do you date well…in a way that honors God first and foremost and other people as well. It has been challenging to consider. My first realization is that I have an opinion, that while good and maybe Godly, is just that…an opinion. The first step in truly thinking about this is to lay down some of my own reasoned thoughts…to consider others.
I have known many people who have dated “successfully” ( meaning they are now married). And no two stories are alike. Chris and I dated 6 months and were engaged for 6 months, going from first date to the altar all neatly within one year. My friends, Virginia and Mitch, were high school sweethearts…which means they dated a LONGGGGGG time. Karen and Billy were engaged within a month (and that might be stretching it a little). Tamarin and Scott dated during college and part of grad school, waiting to get somewhat on their feet…Jeff and Stuart got married before her junior year.
Some had long engagements, others not. My friend Holly didn’t tell Jeff she loved him until she new she was ready to marry him. Laura and Scott dated on and off (mostly on as they got older) but never lived in the same state, ore even close. David and Michele live next door to his parents….Brenda and Bob got married and since have never lived less than a days drive from any of their family.
All these people love the Lord passionately. They love God now and when they dated and tried/try to honor him through it all. If you spoke to any random couple I mentioned they could tell you things they may have done differently when dating. But they could also point you to things that were really good…that helped prepare them for marriage and uniquely strengthened their bond with one another and relationship with Christ.
So in all humility I affirm that there is no one Godly way to date. There are many, and they are as unique as the two individuals and the circumstances they live out. This makes it kind of tenuous as we seek to advise, mentor and hold others accountable in their dating relationships. Yet, I do think there is some sound advice that I would stand by regardless. And here it is…
1. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, then you need to only date others who share this belief. You need to be very distinct in how you characterize “belief”. Many people attend church and believe in God, and still many others believe in Jesus. But a belief that shapes your daily life, thoughts and decisions is distinctly different . If you share a common faith in Jesus, it should be a evident part of your dating relationship from the start. If you don’t share this, then you need to end the relationship/quit going out and talking on the phone rather quickly.
2. You need to have good communication…meaning each party needs to know “what’s going on”. Periodically, you need to have conversations that define and affirm what exactly is the nature of the relationship. It is more important that you both understand the nature of the relationship and AGREE about that nature, than whether you are dating or whatever.
3. Life is full of relationships where one party is interested only in friendship and the other party wants more. While the first party does sometimes come to change their desire and want more, I think it is more often likely that they do not. Attraction is unpredictable and often irrational thing; however, it cannot be willed. One cannot become attracted to someone simply because they think it makes good sense…or whatever other reason you think of. The longer you know someone and the closer you are the less likely these factors seem to change. If you desire more from someone who just wants to be your friend, you have two unpleasant/painful choices. You can continue to spend time together which will most likely flame your desire or you can begin to place some boundaries in the relationship that allows physical and emotional space for your heart to heal and become less attached. If you do not choose to step back, you will almost always be deeply hurt when your “friend” begins to date another. Yet it is very difficult to choose to step back as well. However, the hope is that if you do step back that you may be able to preserve your friendship. In essence, you are pulling back so that the relationship will once again be a “friendship” to both of you.
4. You must be brutally honest with yourself about what you desire in a relationship and how deeply you desire it. There is a BIG difference between a crush on a friend that might develop into more and an intimate friendship that you long to be more than a friendship. You set yourself up to be deeply hurt by ignoring your heart in this matter. Intimate friendships between the opposite sexes need to be clearly and defined and affirmed in order to avoid needless pain for one or both parties.
5. If you are in a serious dating relationship…
A. it is extremely advisable that you jointly and individually seek counsel of others. You need your friends to tell you what they think and to hold you accountable. You need mentors in your church body to walk alongside you as well.
B. You need to have a plan for how to preserve your purity. You two should discuss this as it is a most difficult tasks in our culture.
C. If you are too young to be thinking about marriage, then you need to rethink how serious this relationship should be and how to spend time together without becoming so deeply intimate with one another. You need to limit the amount of time you talk/text/im.etc. and choose to spend your time together mostly in groups and family settings.
D. Even if you don’t foresee marriage as an option in the near future, it should be part of the picture. The end goal of all serious dating should be to find and marry the love of your life. If this person is not it and is not like to become it, then you should consider moving on.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
things equal are not the same
I volunteer two hours a week at an elementary school. It's not the one my son goes to. Why volunteer in a different school? I do it because I think they need me more. My son's school is blessed with lots of volunteers; you see them everywhere you go at school….helping in the media center, selling spirit wear, assisting in the cafeteria. They are in the classrooms tutoring students, working with groups, stuffing Thursday folders or cutting up materials for an activity later in the week. The school I volunteer in is not "blessed" with volunteers. I have been there 4 or 5 times and I have only met one other volunteer.
In many ways, the two schools I see are very alike. They are very clean and bright. Whenever I see children in the hall, they are quiet and walking in a line. There are at least two computers in each class and a wealth of other resources. I like the teachers I have met at both schools. They are experienced and very knowledgeable, and it is evident that they care about their students.
But when it comes to volunteers, these two schools are not the same. When I signed the volunteer log today there were 6 signatures on the page....4 of them were mine. I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means. I left the school at noon and went to my son's school to have lunch with my son. Now it is a much bigger school, but when I signed the visitor's log at around 12:30 pm there were already 50 other names before mine on the sheet, just for today...just for today. It’s hard to fathom how much volunteers do for a school, until there aren't any.
Each week I read one on one with a class of kindergarten students. But my son (who is in kindergarten) has a volunteer in his class that reads with students everyday or at least three times a week. I know part of the literacy curriculum requires for the students (especially in K-2) to read one on one with someone. But I don't know how that is possible in any CMS elementary school without volunteers. I wonder what happens on the days I don’t come to volunteer. Does an assistant spend time reading with them? And if the assistant does read with the students, then what is it that she is not doing….or could be doing if I or some other volunteer was there? It’s not like there are a wealth of assistants either.
I don't feel like I make a difference because I can't truly fill the need, not even for one class. But I have to believe that any time I give is helpful. I do know that the kids like having me come. I like them too. I hope that as I get to know them better, I can learn how best to help them.
When I first walked in to the school where I volunteer, I knew no one. I have been there now just a handful of times to volunteer, but I feel at home. When I sign in, I chat with the administrative assistants. I get my visitor tag and head down the hall to my first class. It is no longer strange to me. It’s a neat place where really good things are happening. You should come and see it for yourself.
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